Bailouts…

You may have heard that the US government gave several large US banks a big loan to try and fix our fubar economy – which was caused by these banks writing loans to people who couldn't afford them.

You may have also heard about the US automakers going to D.C. to get the government to bail them out – stating that, in effect, they are too good to file Chapter 11 like every other company in the US and need the same treatment as the banks.

Additionally you may have heard that the oil industry is lobying for handouts because they've been fleecing the population for the last two years and made stupid money – but now that everyone has caught on and is using far less oil, they need financial help to maintain all those new mansions and private jets they bought.

I think I have a solution to this problem:

Instead of giving taxpayer's money directly to the automakers, why not pass a law that states that every US citizen of driving age is required to buy a Hummer, Tahoe, or F350? These grosly over-priced and over-sized vehicles will help the automaker's bottom lines immensely.

Additionally, the 10-ish miles per gallon they get will help the oil industry by driving oil utilization back up.

Those unable to pay cash for these vehicles can get a pre-approved AIG-insured payment plan. That would give AIG another excuse for a cash infusion down the road.

Another solution would be to take examples from history:

When the wool industry in England was in recession, hundreds of years ago, decrees were passed that, when you died, you had to be buried in a woollen shroud. The French did something similar with linen.

Perhaps we should do the same here in America with SUVs… It'd be a direct purchase, like a regular casket, possibly with the same AIG-insured payment plan.

The difference is that the SUV costs less. Granted, the upolstery and woodwork aren't as good as the casket, but you'll feel less ridiculous about sticking it in the ground before you've finished paying for it.

A full-size SUV could even be used as a sort of family burrial chamber – when the contents of the SUV match the 'dad, mom, 4 kids, dog, cat' stcikers on the back window, then it is full and another SUV needs to be purchased for the next generation.

See, I just fixed all the problems… Too bad I hate politics eh?