Well, had another interesting night with Kaiser (my medical provider)…
One would think that being the biggest, most expensive healthcare available would allow them to have some nice, high-tech stuff. One would be wrong in that assumption though.
See, I’ve been having back problems for months now and the doctors have plum run out of symptoms to treat at this point and are finally having to try to figure it out. So I was scheduled for an MRI last night at 8:30 PM downtown.
Now, having all of my hydrogen atoms aligned in a big machine that looks and sounds like a jet engine doesn’t bug me. I’ve been into high energy physics long enough to understand quite well how the technology works and I’ve even done some research on the process from a ‘hobbyist’ perspective.
So I get to the Kaiser offices downtown at about 7:30, fill out the “have you ever even come into contact with a piece of metal” medical forms, and commence to wait an hour. Eventually I’m led back to the machine and am presented with an old GE ‘tomography’ machine from circa 1987… The technology was invented in 1983.
Anyways, so here I am looking over a piece of equipment about two steps up from the one in the Smithsonian and wondering if all the small, enclosed spaces I’ve been packed into will equate to this itty-bitty tube they plan to pack me into. The technician doesn’t seem to be concerned though – little do I know that she’s unconcerned thanks, in part, to the hydraulics that run the table that positions patients in the barrel of the ‘tomograph’.
So I remove all of the metal on my person from the waist up, which is odd because I know how powerful the fields are in these things – but again this is a 20 year old machine that might be able to generate .3 to .5 Tesla… Compared to modern equipment that can generate 2+ Tesla this thing would probably have an issue with demagnetizing my credit card.
So I lay down on the tray and the technician commences to run me into the barrel. This is where we discover that the barrel of the GE is all of about 22 inches across and my shoulders are about 27 inches across. So I contort myself, ignoring the warning twinge from my back, and she manages to pack me into the thing. I’m then told that I’ll have to hold this position for about 30 minutes.
I can only roll my eyes – because the rest of me is wedged quite nicely into this gods forsaken machine.
A few minutes pass then the banging of the MRI begins – imagine being inside a jackhammer – and then stops. The technician comes over the intercom and asks if I can straighten out any.
I laugh and answer “no”.
Shortly there after I’m extracted from the machine and told that I’ll have to be sent out to another hospital with newer equipment that has a larger barrel. Of course there is some confusion on if that will be covered under my insurance.
Oh, and I had to pay them $100 for the privilege of being crammed into their ancient machine.
So, ultimately, I wasted 2 hours of my life that I’ll never get back, caused my back pain to flare up from being crammed into the machine, and spent $100. Comparatively I guess it wasn’t all that bad because it gave me something to write about. 🙂