It’s hard to be witty and entertaining in a forum such as Ye Olde Journal when you’re just plum worn out…
Since the first week of June I’ve been putting in an average of 56 hours a week at work, which has include most of Saturday and the occasional Sunday every weekend, which is why I just haven’t been highly available.
I’ve also got two friends going in for surgery either late this month or next month – and considering my friend ratio, that’s a big number:
Wolf is going in for back surgery on the number four vertebra, which of course means they have to get at it from the front of her neck and do lots of tricky maneuvering and this worries me.
Zeze is going in to have a tumor removed from the immediate area of the liver early next month and I’m worried about that one too.
And then Aryntha has been having worries about lymphoma…
I guess, as I tend to ignore the passing of time, that all of this is miring me down with my age a bit and putting me in touch with mortality… Everyone I know in my age group seems to be breaking down, which of course means that my time is coming whether or not I choose to acknowledge it.
Sure, I’ve got my excellent German ‘super soldier’ genetics which have allowed me to go 36 years and still have my tonsils, have no fillings and all of my teeth (except for the two wisdom teeth the Navy pulled ‘just because’), and I’ve seen a doctor exactly once in the last 15 years – and that was for a recluse bite. Heck, I’ve only managed to break two bones in 36 years, and only one of those resulted in doctor time, and my early years weren’t exactly ‘safe’…
But I know there is a fundamental law of this universe called entropy that states I too will break down eventually. And while this fact doesn’t worry me, it’s the way of things, I find myself worrying about how it will affect everything around me: How will the world remember me? Was I a good person? Did I make a difference in someone else’s life?
The measure of a life’s worth is in what it has achieved for others, and I step outside myself and view everything from afar and I have to say ‘yes’.
I’ve had a pretty good run I suppose and if the house lights were to come on tomorrow I think I’d be happy. I’ve seen places on this little blue marble that a lot of people haven’t, I’ve done almost everything on my grandfather’s list of things a person should do while they’re here; from piloting a ship and climbing a mountain to teaching and setting foot on foreign soil… Ok, I haven’t built my own house yet, but I’m working on that. 🙂